I am Peter…

That’s where I find myself in the Easter story. In the man who was fervent for his Savior – bold, committed, and willing to die for Him. Then, when the pressure was on – denial, denial, denial. And if I were being completely honest, when I stand back and view the Easter story through Peter’s pre-resurrection lenses, I can see myself right there in the middle of his fear. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest as they point at me and say, “You are not of his disciples are you? Didn’t I see you with him in the olive grove?”(John 18:25-27) I can feel the lump in my throat and the words, “I don’t know the man!,” rolling off my tongue and spilling lies with my mouth.

I can hear the rooster crow. It’s a sound that I’ve heard day after day, but suddenly it’s no longer associated with the rising of the sun. Today is different- and it sounds more like the darkness that has come down and is now setting upon The Son. It’s an ear-piercing alarm that has called my bluff on all my prior confessions of love and loyalty- then, Jesus looks into my eyes and I am completely undone (Luke 22:61-62). Guilt stricken and heart shattered, I run away and hide.

For two excruciating days, I soak myself in the shame of my actions and in the grief of my beloved Lord’s death. For in my heart of hearts, I love him to the core and desperately wish I could go back and tell him that one last time. Through my sobs, I begin to hear pounding footsteps running towards me and panicked shouts coming from Mary Magdalene. She’s still too far off to make out what she’s saying, but as she draws nearer the words become clear; “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him (John 20:2).”

At once I rise up and take off towards the tomb and sure enough, Mary is right! The stone has been rolled away and there inside lay the strips of linen and burial cloth that has been found neatly folded (John 20:6-7). I stand inside of the tomb perplexed. For even after all the times that Jesus had said he would come back on the third day, (John 2:19, Matthew 17:22-23, Matthew 20:17-19) somehow I missed it again and again, and still do not realize that he has risen. Evening comes and in an instant everything changes. Suddenly, standing right in front of me is- Jesus! I and my fellow disciples are overjoyed at the sight of our resurrected Savior (John 20:19-20).

Some time passes and one day, while out fishing at sea, he appears to us again. Immediately, I jump out of the boat and begin to make my way to the Lord (John 21:7). I am amazed at the miraculous catch of fish and then he draws us in and invites us to come and have breakfast (John 21:11-12). When we finish eating, he looks at me in the eyes once again and asks me not once, but three times, “do you love me?” (John 21:15) Three times I answer back, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you,” and three times he tells me to feed his lambs, take care of his sheep, and feed his sheep (John 21:15-17).

In that moment, I am reinstated and reconciled with my precious Savior. I no longer consider myself unworthy, but instead, unstoppable. For the work that Christ has accomplished on the cross and by the power of his remarkable resurrection, I am now fueled with a renewed passion: to preach the Gospel to the ends of the earth.

As I reflect on this Good Friday, I’m beyond thankful that Peter’s story didn’t end with the denial and grief. For if I’m being fully transparent, I can say without a doubt that I would also have denied Him. In the face of conflict and confrontation, fear always gets the best of me and I flee. My response would have been no different than that of Peter’s. But thanks be to God we are not stuck there in the darkness and denial. There is light. There is love. There is forgiveness and reconciliation. His name is Jesus and he is the One who saved us from our sins by laying down his life on the cross.

As we observe this dreadful, but beautiful day in history, I would encourage you to also read through the Bible passages of the crucifixion and resurrection and find your own place in the Easter story. It’s the same breathtaking story that has turned my numerous denials into never-ending declarations. Remember His brutal sacrifice and the great love that He has for you today friends.

Abide in Him Always,

Ashley