A Moment of Transparency

To say that we’ve been busy here at the Farmhouse would be an understatement. Market season has arrived and it has been non-stop! Just to give you a little glimpse into what I’m talking about, I thought I’d share with you the amount of work and prepping that has gone on in just this week alone. All together, The Farmer and I have set up at 4 markets, washed nearly 30 dozen eggs, picked bushels of green beans in the garden, and have hauled hundreds of pounds of meat back and forth. We have made, wrapped, and labeled 195 bath bombs and hand-poured 72 candles which we have also had to label one by one by one. All of this in the midst of him working a full time job, and me still keeping up with the daily duties of motherhood and everyday life. I have been exhausted down to my bones.

Our breakfast this week has consisted of a rotation of yogurt and granola or peanut butter banana smoothies. Lunches, a rotation of cottage cheese with fruit and veggie sticks or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Dinner has mostly been leftovers or frozen pizza. The fact that we have all had clean clothes this week is simply by the grace of God. Our kitchen sink is currently full of dishes that have been (and will continue to be) patiently waiting for me. The handle on our screen door has been missing for about 10 days now from where I accidentally pulled it off while trying to carry in a huge load of candles after the market one evening. The heat and humidity means that the pig smell around here is at it’s peak, and the chickens certainly add to that as well.

I’m sharing this with you all not out of complaint, but because I never want to give the illusion that we live a Hallmark life here on the farm. In fact it’s quite the opposite. It’s messy around here! 102 years of farming on this land means generations of men who have accumulated things that never quite made their way out, and in many ways I’m okay with that because it’s part of my heritage and many of those items give me a glimpse into who those men were and connect me to them in ways that words alone simply cannot. And trust me when I say there is nothing simplistic about our days around here. I honestly never know what each day is going to hold. I try to have a general plan laid out,  but have learned to hold loosely, for many times it changes on a dime. Many days I feel like I’m dropping the ball as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. 

Life gets crazy here, but this place has stretched my capacity in ways I would have once thought were impossible. And while there are plenty of messes, the beauty far outweighs them all. The sound of the rooster crowing in the morning, accompanied by the farm dog barking, wake me up and remind that it’s a fresh day full of God’s new mercies. The flowers that are busting forth fill our world with color, and the busyness of the bees inspire me to roll up my sleeves and get to it, while illustrating that our work is not in vain.

This family farm business that we are chasing is bigger than us; but because we serve a big God, we push forward in confidence knowing that where He leads, He will equip. God has been at work in big ways around here and I’m convinced that we are square in the middle of a plot line that could only be written by Him and is going to take us by surprise and bring us to our knees when we see it come full circle.

It would be so easy for me to become overwhelmed with all of the responsibilities each day brings and to beat myself up over all the loose ends that never get mended. And, honestly, some days don’t bring out the best in me. I am an introvert at heart. Too many things to do, too many places to go, too many people who need things from me can send me to my breaking point if I’m not diligent in taking captive every thought and submitting to Christ. Day by day I’m learning to  give myself and those around me grace- because at the end of the day all that really matters is that I have a solid relationship with my Heavenly Father and precious Savior, that my marriage is in tact, and that our little Farmer Boy knows more than anything how much we love him and that we are on his side.

Perspective can do amazing things for the soul. May we keep our eyes fixed on the Author and Perfecter of our faith today as we live out this messy, beautiful thing called life.

Abide in Him Always,

Ashley